Mordo's Bizarre Adventure
by Mr.Parodious
Summary: Ahahahahaha hopw you enjoy the ride cause once you get on you aIN'T GETTING OFF.


As the dawn breaks fold on a new day, and the sunrise has come into its full climax, what better way to start a pretty good day like today with some breakfast? Lucky for you, our protagonists are likeminded in such traditional morning practices, (Implying of course you were thinking the same thing. And I can't be held accountable if this is not the case. I'm just a writer) as they were currently scavenging around the kitchen for scraps of food to cling on and eat. Said protagonists, a Mordecai and Rigby, weren't exactly having any luck in said food gathering. Irony considering they're supposed to be animals but please bear in mind this is supposed to be a fact we're supposed to look over.

"Any luck?" Mordecai asked as he searched the cupboard one last time. Rigby slammed the pantry door in a huff, taking his seat back at the breakfast table.

"Nope. Nothing." The raccoon rested his head on his palms "Nothing but canned starch and some green stuff growing in the corner."

"Aw, gross."

"It's looking pretty good right now, though." Rigby sighed, now laying his head on the table. "How 'bout you? Any grub you might've seen?"

"Uhhhh... I think I saw a box of cereal in the cupboard. Don't know how old it is."

Rigby gasped with excitement. "Dude, is it Sugar Frosted Sugar Clusters?! Please say yes."

Mordecai checked the cupboard again, pulling out a rather plain, non sugar frosted looking box.

"Nope." He reported. "Soggy Oat Nuts"

"Aww, boooo."

"Better this than nothing." Mordecai shrugged. He set up some bowls for the cereal with his friend looking ever so disappointed, salivating a little with the desire for processed, saturated sugars like he's so used to. The blue jay sat down and commenced eating some of the dry cereal. Rigby stared at his portion longingly, unsure if he wanted to subject himself to it. He eventually got up and headed to the fridge.

"Any milk here?" Rigby sniffed around a bit for some. Eventually he found a bottle with milk like fluid in it. There weren't any labels on it though. Just the liquid in the clear gallon. Not suspicious in the slightest, by the way.

Nevertheless, Rigby took the "milk" and poured it all over the Soggy Oat Nuts. He started shoveling away at it in his mouth, he was kind of awful when it came to table manners as you can see. Mordecai reclined away on his chair so that the flying chunks of milky flakes didn't touch him. Rigby kept shoveling away until his arm started slowing down in speed. He seemed to be aware of Mordecai's disgust. For some reason.

"What?" he asked. Mordecai just sort of grimaced.

"Uhhhh... nothing."

Rigby blinked again, then he returned back to his ludicrous gluttony of the generic brand cereal. It's probably a generic brand. Most likely. Mordecai however didn't seem to want to even touch the cereal, let alone eat it. The spoon was in there, free of fingerprints. Just sitting in the mixture of dry, crispy flakes and nuts. It was almost poetic, the clean unused utensil and the stale grain mixture mixed so well yet so strikingly different. Tragically beautiful, really.

What's even more tragically beautiful was the reason WHY Mordecai didn't really want to eat his cereal despite hunting for any scraps of food just a couple seconds earlier. One could easily say it was due to Rigby's poor mannerism right and the opposite end of the table. God knows any same person would be turned off from any eating from the scene of a raccoon pigging out in such a way. Yet Mordecai's lived so long with said friend that it's safe to assume he's been conditioned enough to such a gross performance.

Maybe he just wasn't hungry for stale generic brand cereal. And yet he's eaten Soggy Oat Nuts so many times before so just deciding not to eat it in times of extreme hunger was a bit ludicrous. (Or not. Maybe it's completely normal to some people. There's no need to judge)

Or maybe it was just rebellion. Yes, rebellion. Rebellion to the same old routine that Mordecai has faced for about hundreds of days while working at this park. Mundane, boring morning. Mundane boring menial tasks. Mundane, boring awful creature of unspeakable evil summoned from somewhere and then he and his coworkers have to find a way to stop it. And then mundane, boring cleanup followed by mundane, boring sleep. Sure the crazy monsters every week was fun while it lasted (or horrifying depending on the scenario), but the novelty to having to deal with these sort of things AGAIN almost weekly wears off rather quickly. It just burns up like alcohol in the midst of a fire, while wood is placed down on it that was soaked in gasoline.

The point is the novelty's been burned up and gone. And it wasn't coming back.

Mordecai pushed his cereal away as Rigby took it and poured the "milk" into it, commencing his vicious eating cycle again. Just once, Mordecai wished, just once he wished that something REALLY exciting, something that REALLY made some change in his mundane, boring life would happen any time soon. Something bizarre... that just... that just might take him... on an ADVENTURE of sorts. But the closest he'd get to that today is lawn gnomes protesting him and Rigby mowing the lawn today something. Oh well. Mordecai may as well get a bowl of cereal to eat before starting this mundane, boring day.

As he walked by Rigby to get a bowl he noticed a little something... off about the way he was eating. And again, this is Rigby we're talking about. So it was definitely something noticeable.

Instead of just using the spoon or just pouring the "milk" and cereal into his mouth, Rigby was literally scooping the food from the bowl and directly into his mouth, making some pretty loud munching sounds along the way. It was... brutish... as best described. Mordecai faintly stared at his friend as he held the gallon of "milk" in his hand, ready to pour it all over his Soggy Oat Nuts.

"Rigby? Are you... okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. Sure. I'm fine." He frantically replied, as he indulged again in his soggy mixture of cereal. Eventually he just started eating from the bowl. No, I mean EATING FROM THE BOWL. If his cereal scooping wasn't enough to turn Mordecai from eating anything, this gross display was, as he gently set the "milk" gallon back on the table.

Rigby kept at it at this rather unusual eating rate. It's like watching a dog eat, chewing with his mouth open and all. Mordecai's seen enough, this was a little bit TOO offsetting than what he had in mind for something bizarre. He reached over and grabbed the cereal bowl away from Rigby, with Rigby dashing and reaching over for it almost instantly.

"Okay dude, no." Mordecai scolded him. "You had more than enough cereal today. Just go and get ready for work, I'll throw the rest away."

"What?! No, I'm not done! That's MY food! Give it back!" Rigby whined as he jumped for the food. Mordecai's... also sure he just heard him growl too. Growling... what?

"Dude, we still have more cereal if you want some later. Calm down!"

"GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK! RRRRUFF! RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF!"

...

Did... did that just happen?

Rigby froze immediately after he let those... barks(?!) out. He covered his mouth in recoil, equally in shock as Mordecai was. Desperately trying his best to understand what just happened.

"Dude..." Mordecai started almost frightened by his friend. "Did you just... bark... like a dog?"

Rigby stuttered and stammered, he frantically tried to find the right words to say about this... pretty damn disturbing turn of events. He was in just as much of a loss as Mordecai. Honestly, anyone would if they had cognitive skills like a normal person so there's that.

"I... I... I didn't bark. I swear I didn't bark." Rigby took a breather. His tail started swishing around at a rather unusual rate. Not like his normal... uhhh wagging rate I guess? Whatever, it was just a little too fast and for some reason it was holding Rigby's attention by the neck because the raccoon seriously wouldn't stop staring at it. He then started reaching for it. Then he got up and tried to catch it. And then he started running in circles while chasing his tail.

And then he kept chasing his tail.

And then he kept chasing his tail.

And then he kept chasing his tail.

And then he kept chasing his tail.

And then he kept chasing his tailJESUS CHRIST, HE'S ACTING LIKE A DOG, THIS JUST HIT MORDECAI AND IT WAS FREAKING HIM OUT!

"Dude, stop doing that, you're freaking me out!" Mordecai yelled as he tried to hold on to what little was remaining of his current rationality. He's starting to regret whatever wishes of bizarre instances he had earlier and he really hoped Rigby was just playing him or something. Unfortunately he wasn't. Cause he kept CHASING HIS TAIL.

"I-I can't stop!" Rigby panted as he scurried in his little circle "I just need to... I need to... I need to catch it! Ruff ruff!"

"Oh God, oh God, dude." Mordecai held his head for a bit, "Dude, this is too much. This... is too much." Mordecai looked around a bit, this time that "milk" bottle caught his attention again. Mordecai picked it up and sniffed it too see if it was spoiled (don't ask) and yet... nothing. It didn't even smell like milk at all, there was almost little to no dairy in it. Mordecai would try it to see if it really was milk but he really didn't feel like taking the risk and turning into whatever Rigby was becoming right now. Where the heck did this bottle even come from?! What?! What IS this?!

"Dude, seriously quit chasing your tail! It's too distracting to me!"

"I told you I can't! I have to catch it! It's... TAUNTING me, ruff ruff!"

"What the heck IS this anyways?! Why'd you even drink it?!" Mordecai asked with his pupils going crazy out of stress. Rigby eventually stopped running and sat down, panting like (you guessed) a dog with his tongue stinking out and all. Then he got back and started running again. And so the cycle continued~

"I-it's milk, I think... ruff ruff!" Rigby panted as he ran around again and again. "I dunno, it tasted like milk!"

"WHY would you drink something if you're not even sure what it is?!"

"I'M HUNGRY! BITE ME, RUFF RUFF!"

"GAAAAAH!" Mordecai groaned, rubbing his head out of sheer pain from the rampant stupidity. Rigby kept running and running. And Mordecai kept rubbing and rubbing. It's all a circus of repetitions all up in the kitchen, and it wasn't stopping any second now (despite how much Mordecai wanted it to) The two were a little too preoccupied with their current designated actions to notice anyone coming in the kitchen, so I guess it's the perfect time for someone to just waltz in and TOTALLY not cause any mischief in the slightest. That'd just be painfully contrived you know. So of course that happens!

And who else were to walk in to this surreal mess of a scene than the green pudgy prank master himself, Muscle Man! Cause y'know, there ARE other people in this park who are just as hungry as the bird and raccoon were. People should be more considerate these days, goddamn. All self centered and stuff...

Naturally of course, just by looking at what was going on, Muscle Man was dumbstruck with awe, looking at a barking raccoon chasing his tail and a blue jay currently having an aneurysm. He just stood and stared like a moron, honestly not that different as his usual reactions, caught between the limbo of either taking out a camcorder and recording this for the internet to see or just shout at them to make it stop.

"HEY!" He shouted, making Mordecai and Rigby stop. Neat. He chose option two. No surprise there. Or was it? (no, it wasn't) Mordecai and Rigby stared back, with Rigby scratching his ear with one of his legs.

"Hey." Mordecai replied back. He and Muscle Man stared for a bit. And then the staring stopped.

Muscle Man looked at Rigby, the raccoon barely noticed as he took immense pleasure from his scratching. However, the raccoon finally noticed the chubby man looking at him so intently. It was freaking him out more than his current dog-ish tendencies. So much so that he started growling. Like a dog.

"What?! What're you lookin' at?! Ruff ruff!"

...

"Muscle Man, look, please just don't mention this to anyone." Mordecai broke the apparent silence "I swear, I-I don't know what's going on either, and like, the LAST thing I need is everyone at the park knowing all about Rigby going all dog-crazy. So just, please-"

Muscle Man raised his arms. "Don't. I don't wanna know anything more than what I just saw." Muscle Man turned around with his back facing them "I'm not gonna mention this to anyone, don't worry. Just keep your weird kinks to yourself next time."

"Wait, kinks-?"

"AH AH AH!" Muscle Man covered his ears with his hands. "I don't wanna hear it. Just. I don't want to hear it."

And as the pudgy man left the kitchen with his remark about kinks just floating Mordecai's mind (seriously, dog kinks? Huh?), and with Rigby constantly scratching and panting like a dog would, an idea dawned into his head that was totally revolutionary in all senses of the word. An idea that, actually inspired Mordecai's sense adventure back alive again. Yeah sure, it was weird as hell that his best friend was acting like a dog and all, but y'know, it's the adventure that counts. Not the causes. Or... was it the results...? Whatever, point is this entire situation presented to the blue jay just exactly what he was waiting for; an adventure possibly filled with danger that could change his life as far as he knows best. Maybe a chance to... finally become a hero or something like that; helping his best friend get back to normal and maybe get something here and there for his oh so noble cause. Yeah... he liked the sound of that. A great, bizarre adventure. And it all starts with this bright, instigative idea!

"Dude. Rigby, I got it! I know how we're gonna fix it!" Mordecai declared proudly. Rigby looked up with his tail happily wagging.

"What, dude, what?"

"Let's go ask Skips for help!"

...

Rigby crossed his arms in disgust. "Dude... really?"

"Well... do you wanna be stuck barking for the rest of your life?" Mordecai asked. Rigby thought on this.

"...If I do, then can I pee on any bush without any trouble?"

"Okay, we're gonna look for Skips."

"Awww... woof..."

And with that, Mordecai picked up Rigby and carried him onwards to find Skips. Both of them TOTALLY prepared for any encounters they'll find (crossing along on the park) with great gusto and bravery. With these few steps, their adventure has started on its course to unravel the mystery on why Rigby was acting like a dog. And yes, truly, it will be the greatest adventure the two will ever have!

"WHOOPS!" Mordecai shouted as he rushed back into the kitchen, picking up the bottle of "milk" from the table. "Almost forgot this. I... think we might need it, huh huh..."

"...Dude." Rigby frowned. "You really were gonna just let that sit there for anyone to drink? For shame... Woof!"

"Sh-shut up!"

Scratch all that. This was going to suck. Majorly. The two could already feel the suck creeping along...


End file.
